The moment I wake up...

before I put on my make-up.


Celebrating Halloween in the office with your colleagues on a Friday: Cool

Shaving only the left-half your face to become Two-face (sort of), with an old, loud checked shirt instead of an office shirt and a belt with a massive buckle and large initials; and not having to go rent a costume for the celebration: Brilliant

Being summoned to meet the CEO on the same day, and not being able to remove your costume like your other colleagues: Say a little prayer for me…

The conversations...

people have.


Guest: Hi, I don't think we've met.

Me: I don't think I've met you before either...

*******

A girl was celebrating having gotten her driver's licence by bringing her friends for a joy ride. She was turning into a car park from the main road, and oncoming traffic seemed clear.

She didn't reckon with our pizza delivery guys. As she turned into the carpark, a pizza delivery guy on a motorbike promptly appeared out of nowhere and smashed into her car.

A doctor I knew happened to be at the scene of the accident. Although there was some blood, the guy was not badly injured. The guy also had a colleague of his (having appeared on a motorbike out of nowhere, naturally) tending to him. After calming the near-hysterical girls down, the doctor went to stabilise the guy who was still on the road. Oddly, he noticed that the guy's colleague had disappeared.

Doc:
Mana kawan adik?

Pizza delivery guy:
... aduh... dia.... aduh... ambik pizza saya... kena deliver....

*******

Interviewer: So what course would like to do?

Me: Medicine.

Interviewer: Oh. Unfortunately we don't offer scholarships for medicine.

Me: Oh. I don't mind engineering either...

*******

Germany, 1973

My Dad: Can I have some water please?

The German waiter, after finally understanding what my dad wanted, pointed to the river outside the restaurant.

Apparently, drinking water was not common in German restaurants then. You drank beer for everything.

******

I was in the neighbourhood grocery store, and called home to find out if anything was needed for the family. Cappucino was our then cat.

Mum: For Cappucino, two cans tuna flavoured, two cans chicken flavoured.

Me: Ok...

Mum: Get the biscuits for him also, any flavour. Two boxes.

Me: Ok...

Mum: Why not buy a few more cans, we can keep it. Get the smaller cans, he may not finish the big ones, and it may spoil if we keep it too long.

Me: Ok. Anything for us?

Mum: ... hmm... a loaf of bread.

Me: That's it???

Mum: Yes. Thanks.


Cappucino oh Cappucino. How I miss you.

Hehehe...

Listen...

to them.


I didn't know her well at all. In fact, the first time I sat across the table from her, it did occur to me that I'd seen her somewhere before... but I couldn't place her.

Only later that day, I realised that she was the then to be legendary, and now the late, Yasmin Ahmad.

Two things about this woman struck me.

One, she always talked about her parents.

And two, she was always willing to hear ideas and willing people to share their ideas. Nothing was too silly for her. Perhaps Yasmin's advertisements and movies were not only a reflection of her brilliance and ability to seem to have her finger on our pulses, but her brilliance and ability to get the best out of the people around her and produce masterpieces.

A trait that more of us could display. Too many people think they know what’s best for everyone. Or don’t have the patience to listen to a young mind fleshing out ideas.

Have patience, and listen, people!

Sure as hell going to miss those ads on tv...

Rest in peace, dear Yasmin. May Allah bless your soul always.

11,443...

days later.


I've learnt that...
I should never recommend my dad watch a pirated Hollywood DVD before I've watched it first.

I've learnt that...
if water coming out of the water-cooler smells like durian, it's probably not the water.

I've learnt that...
respect must be earned. And kept.

I've learnt that...
if you're looking for something, it helps to know what it looks like. Or at least what it should look like.

I've learnt that...
contrary to popular belief, there are some things lawyers can't do.

I've learnt that...
it really is mind over matter.

I've learnt that...
there are some things that will only make sense when you go through it yourself.

I've learnt that...
women's lack of a sense of direction is not a myth.

I've learnt that...
speaking clearly and to the point is becoming a lost art.

I've learnt that...
too many people I know want things they know they will most likely not get.

I've learnt that...
many happy people I know did not have things going the fairy tale way.

I've learnt that...
I should not question the plots in Hindi movies.

I've learnt that...
dates and anniversaries (save a few) are not as important as they are made out to be.

I've learnt that...
for some of us, time is running out :-)

Seventeenth...

at.


I hadn’t noticed it before, but there’s an abandoned house that comes into view first.

Apartments that are too expensive follow.

I never realised that the city was quite this green. There are lots of trees, forming what seems to be a forest, dotted by buildings.

Next, a building where a friend of mine used to work in. Haven’t heard from her for a while now.

I can see the intersection of two of the busiest roads in Kuala Lumpur from up here, Raja Laut and Sultan Ismail. Who were these two men anyway? In the mornings, it’s actually quite scenic to see the traffic snarl, it’s as therapeutic as watching a river flowing slowly. And in the late evenings, the never-ending streams of car lamps help illuminate the city roads. When these streams of light begin to quiver, it’s time to go home.

If I look straight down, I can see one of the reasons Malaysians are the way we are now. Three primary schools, side by side. I didn’t realize they were so close together. Learning pretty much the same thing, but in different languages. Walls separate their school compounds today, walls that we’ll try to bring down tomorrow. Bird’s eye view of the future I have of these children.

Looking up, sometimes I get to see a storm coming. Quite a show - the buildup of the clouds, the graying of the sky, sometimes aging the day by numerous hours in a matter of a few minutes. The rain pelts the window, but never indicating the havoc it will cause all the way down there. Gridlocks result.

I can see the Gombak river. The colour of the river seems healthier these days. A relentless heavy downpour still makes it break its banks though, and flood the minor roads behind this building, submerging the cars parked illegally and the Tiong Nam households. The metro heaves on above the river, on its tracks that snake with the flow.

I can also see the world’s fifth highest telecommunications tower. It gives the city skyline character, regardless looking like a massive baby rattle or not.

There is a somewhat resident eagle that flies the skies around my building. I haven’t seen him in the one week that I’ve moved to this floor.

Only after watching the movie ‘Cinta’ did I appreciate what a charming city KL was. Now, I am charmed by the city every working day.

I really like my new room, and certainly don’t mind spending hours working from here, with a splendid view like this. And with my cup of Ipoh old town coffee.

I turn back to my desk.

Two laptops stare back at me.

Now, if only either one was in good working condition…

Hello...

is it me you're looking for?


I was wearing a crisp white shirt, and a well-ironed pair of black trousers. Very lawyer-like. No tie though, as it was past 8 o'clock and I was at the restaurant just to order some take-away dinner before heading home.

A guy walks into the restaurant, and asks me where the reunion is.

I say I don't know. He asks could it be upstairs. I say I really don't know, coz I don't work there. He leaves me, not embarrassed by his gaffe, but confused.

I look around the restaurant.

It was empty.

Except for me waiting for my takeaway order, and 3 waiters hanging around, in their crisp white shirts and well-ironed pair of black trousers.

*******

In university, we're assigned a tutor each. They take care of our academic welfare, and we see them periodicaly over every academic year.

I went to meet my tutor.

"So, how has your first year been?"

"Sir, I just completed my final year exams."

*******

I was waiting on the kerb with a friend, while our husband-and-wife friends were going into their sixth handbag shop.

"Can you take me?"

The both of us looked at the lady who asked the question.

"Sorry ma'am, we're on a break" I answered.

She left. I told my friend that we better move away from standing by the two London Black Cabs parked at the kerb, lest we get more queries like that.

*****

"Were you the one who bled?"

"No."

"Then you must be the one who crashed the car!"

*******

At a wedding, where I had given the wedding speech, the reception had ended and I was talking to the best man.

As the guests were filing out, an elderly uncle walked up to the best man and said:

"Well done!"

"Thank you uncle..." the best man says.

"Didn't realise you had that talent..."

"Err... thanks again..." the slightly perplexed best man said.

I was wondering too - standing by the groom and fanning him doesn't require exceptional talent... or does it??

"So, how long did it take to write the speech?"

Uncle... uncle... :-)

*******

Seeing a lady I knew, I went up to her and said...

"Hello aunty, how are you??"

From her reaction, without a doubt, she had no idea who I was.

After asking my name, and then my father's name, she suddenly sparkled as she seemed to remember who I was.

"Ah, I remember now, I attended your wedding last year!"

Funny...

I don't remember being there at my wedding.

Speak when you are angry...

and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.


Have you ever had people leave anonymous messages for you?

It's nice, isn't it? (except if you're being stalked... but I don't have that problem.)

Perhaps someone is noticing you.

Perhaps someone wants to speak to you, but doesn't get the opportunity to do so.

Or can't summon the courage to do so.

I've had a very small number of such messages left for me, but there's one I'll never forget.

It was a number of years ago at the Bangsar Shopping Centre in KL. I had gone to the mall with a friend, and had swung down to the lower basement to park. I parked near the lifts, as it would be easier to get to the car when we were ready to leave.

A couple of hours later, we were back at the car park.

As I was about to get into the driver's seat, I noticed a neatly folded piece of paper under the wiper on my windscreen.

Hmm.

Suddenly, I twinkled.

I looked around, and there was no one scurrying away, or trying to escape my gaze…

My heart was pounding already. Who could it be... this stranger leaving a note for me, putting it on my windscreen knowing full well I will not miss it...

I took the note, and opened it with bated breath.

And there it was. The message for me, written so crisply such that its meaning could not be any clearer...


“Thank you for parking here. You block everyone. Assholes like you should take the bus instead.”


Damn...

Tight slap on the face it was like...

*******

I didn't park in a parking spot I admit, but I didn't block everyone.